As of last Sunday, i've made the conscious decision to try to, as the subject says, broaden my horizons. I'm trying to put myself into new situations, because as far as i'm concerned, the situations i've been in haven't worked in 27 years. My life is pretty much the same thing day in and day out. Sure I hang out with friends now and again, but more often than not it's the same thing. Wake up, sit at home, go to work, come home, sit at home, go to sleep, repeat. After such a long period of time, that shit…

I’ve been REALLY fucking depressed for the past week, and I can’t really figure out why. For the first time in a while, I’ve been much happier when I’m not at home. When I’m out at work, or when I’m with friends, I’m enjoying myself MUCH more than whenever I’m at home. I know some of it has to do with all the bullshit that’s gone down at the Center lately, with people leaving, and others getting upset with others. Seeing the people leave has been more hurtful, really…because everyone that’s taken off has been a part of my life…

This is probably going to sound bad coming after my last post, but I really need to get laid. *nod*

I don't know why, but tonight I got an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Maybe it has to do with my need to get some? :p

I've been wanting to start writing again, but I really have no idea what to write about. I'd like to write another story using the character I created, but I just can't think of any scenarios to put him in. I would also love to finish the 3 stories I started so long ago, but…

I’m trying to remember exactly what happened with Anelle after I kissed her cheek and got no response that night. I believe I brought it up the next day while we were alone again, and she mentioned the main reason she didn’t say much is because she’s really shy. I do remember that later that night she surprised me with a kiss on the cheek, which I was naturally ecstatic about…I think that was when I talked to her about the kiss from the other night.



The night before everyone went home, her and I got into my car to…

7/28 - 7/29

So far, the Gathering has been really fucking awesome, just like I knew it would be. I got in Saturday night around 8PM, and we all went to dinner (all that were there, anyway: Betty, Xylus, webhead, me, Eizan, Goro, Dez, Chax, David, Blackjak, Anelle, Lucy and Crono). Ended up splitting the dinner 12 ways…the check was something over $100. We all went back to web's place and played video games the rest of the night…I showed off my custom GH2, and it seemed to be a hit with the GH players. Gambit and Lor came over…

So i've been in Arizona since late Saturday night for the Center Gathering, and have been having an awesome time so far. Met a lot of new people that i've known for years online, and it's been great. Even met the girl i've had a crush on for the past few years. :o

Everyone but her, one of my friends' roommates and I went camping yesterday, and the two of us have just been sitting around watching TV most of the day. Her and I have been flirting back and forth all week, but nothing has happened, which is fine…

So, thanks to Ewa, i've come to realize what my relationship with Nicole was after all. I was just the right person at the right time, I guess is one way of putting it. I don't think when her and I started to go out that she meant for our relationship to be that way, but that's just how it worked out. I was there when she needed someone. And in some ways i'm ok with that, and some ways i'm not. I mean, I still have no ill will towards her, I think she's a great person who deserves…

The longer I think about moving to AZ, the more it sounds like a good idea. I fucking LOVE living out here in Huntington Beach…love it. But i'm thinking a move may be just what I need. New surroundings, new people to hang out with, all that jazz. Even if Ben doesn't move, I think it could be a good thing for me. The only thing that would hold me back is not being able to find a decent job out there. Plus I don't really have a place to live at the moment. I don't think it'd be a…

So, I think I’ve finally cleared my head enough over the past two days to give a better rendition of what’s happened recently, without bursting into tears. :p So here goes…the beginning might be a bit jumbled, it’s mostly just the thoughts that have been going through my head, in no particular order.

So, obviously I’m bummed out about what happened, I thought things were going so well, and in a way I guess they were, but it just wasn’t meant to be, I guess? For the past month and a half, Nicole has made me happier than I’d been…

Well, Nicole and I are done…she still has feeling for someone she cared about that she went out with a few years ago, and they've become close again….so, we're done.

It's good to know I have friends who will be there when I need them. I called Ben soon after and he came over and spent the day with me, and made it a lot easier than it would have been.