WELCOME BACK.

TL;DR: Prepare to be surprised. (skip to the end)

Since Nightwish’s last shitty album FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO, these mostly not shocking things happened:

1. Tuomas attempted to consummate the relationship with OMG IT’S A GIRL???(again), Anette left. Tuomas failed to off himself, thus costing his family a fair amount of fame and fortune, and his mom some rent money for the attic.

2. Tuomas made a shitty movie that no one cared about, and it multiplied his prodigious ego by about 37281. He then released a stupid fucking solo album that ruined Ducktales, that multiplied it…

(I started this several months ago so some things probably don’t make sense, then again that’s how it always is so why should you be surprised)

Since I’m such a fucking forgiving kinda guy, I have graciously decided to give completely mediocre triple duel veterans Xandria (as I fucking predicted, AGAIN, Tarja-clone is gone, ALL HAIL MARCELO), bitchy whiny hot lead singer but still fuck you guys Epica, and WHO?????? Savn INEXPLICABLY a chance at this SHITTY JOURNAL SO NO ONE GIVES A FUCK brand of glory.

That was a really fucking confusing paragraph. Let’s move on.

The…

This would have been done way earlier, but it made me lose the will to listen to music a few times. FIND OUT WHY BELOW!

Jesus fucking christ it hasn’t rained here in like 30 years. People are dropping dead and disintegrating in the streets, they won’t let me pop a hydrant to spray down the local hookers, pools are at capacity, AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SPRING. YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG, IT’S SUMMER. GLOBAL GODDAMN WARMING. Just in time for me to get the fuck out of here and go find Kony for several months/years.

Meanwhile, you eastfucks are probably…

Yeah, I’m actually scrobbling (or, I will be when I actually install last.fm's stupid fucking shit) and shitting up shoutboxes again. We’ll see how long it lasts. In honor of this amazingly momentous occasion (no one cares), I’m going to tell you how it is…again. This time, it concerns your favorite female-fronted-and-behinded+hobbit finnish fairy fucks, NIGHTWISH.

It's getting kind of weird now, because Floor is clearly more of a man than Tuomas.

How many times have you prayed to the Man Jesus for ANOTHER GODDAMN jerkjones journal featuring Nightwish? If it's more than one time…
http://i.imgur.com/VY58bAL.gif
If it’s anywhere…

How the fuck is there not a reality show called "That's So Metal, Bitch"? I'll even let you blatantly steal my glorious idea. Fucking Murica can't do anything right these days, seriously. I even found part of the intro.
http://i.imgur.com/ZqG1czD.gif

Hey jerks, to the delight of the frenzied neo-Tristania fans (if they actually exist), and the dismay of people who like good music, Tristania is fucking back, again. They have tossed approximately 10 gothic anger metal tracks at us, under the name Darkest White, which is supposed to be meaningful or some shit. I don’t fucking care.

I’m…

Oh, hello, I didn’t see you there. Unfortunately (for everyone else), I’m still alive. And that means that I obviously have to review this shit, because it’s FUCKING AMARANTHE AND THEIR "THE NEXUS", the greatest gift left to us by a true saint of the internet, the deceased king of long-winded non-sensical rants, your eternal hero, Epica124. Amaranthe also happens to be the favorite band of nDroae, shodan21, Phones666, Trexacious, ssomeonee, Swedishgirl93, fujikiri, CGHoly, Liadz, TheMattional, and everyone else on the internet who doesn't suck. This is fact,…

tl;dr - just skip to the end for a hilarious picture…no one would blame you

btw I claim An Analysis (Descent Into Madness) for a song title so fuck you if you wanted to steal it

Wanky, if you’re reading this, we miss you. We mock out of love, seriously.

I’m doing this as the first part of a five-part saga, where Jerk FUCKING Jones, that lazy son of a bitch, does all the shit that he claimed he was gonna do months ago. Yep, it’s finally happening. I might interrupt the series with a couple reviews, though. (NEW AMARANTHE…

Trexacious was there, Phones666, nDroae, and Liadz should have been there, TheMattional wishes she was there…

Not that I was there or anything, but I somehow acquired this, so here you go:

"Snyder" randomly decides to go on PYX!!

Currently connected: DarealBillieJean, DrProfessor, Dyl, Jetplane, brod, bananaballz, Louise, ipodparf, chick2010, Smatt, Eatadick, Sam, MostAttractivePony, FancyLala, Segwo, arm, jmo, x4n4x, Cameo, fawe, Missy, Tyrone, Cigaro1337, PieZeroX, Gangnam_Style, Dingus, Getfucked, bab888, Theseh, frogg, ajanata, Litterbox, Nick, Gotomelonedanger, BITCHFUCKS, Leyla, Aqua, thirtyought6, MHJesus, XYZ, Qqq, fishguts, kednal, Madi, jason, Acco, PenisWenis, PissNecromancerKimbo, GretchenWeiners, nakedwalrus, spinbladex, Mokk, drop_the_skrillehammer, Water, niggas, sic, Skirr,…

(see the title track if you want to know why that actually makes sense)

Well, it’s about that time again. Now that I’ve finally recovered from traveling through spacetime to arrive at the less-hurricaned and thus better coast, it’s time to rock Kamelot’s world by reviewing their likely-shitty latest album, Silverthorn. I’m kinda bored just thinking about doing this, because I have clearly more hilarious projects waiting in the near future, but I guess I can bang this out, cause Kamelot’s generally at least slightly amusing…right?

1. Manus Dei
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1257/1050256838_d65a4ca798.jpg
Apparently this is an intro track. With a…

Holy fucking shit, I’ve written 50 journals. I’m going to compile them into a book or something, I swear. Just so I can save them after I inevitably get banned. But only like ten of them have had actual content, and most of that content is completely composed of inside jokes and insane ramblings. So I guess I’ll just let them be destroyed.

Yes, in case you were wondering, this is The Field (all the other jerks) vs. Wanky-Pants vs. Snyder (if you're not familiar with them, well, prepare to be confused a lot during this review). I’ve decided to…